Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
