i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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