I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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