We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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