Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
