Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
