If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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