Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
