I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
