She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Barsexuality is the new black.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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