I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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