I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
third nipple confirmed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
