i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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