I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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