Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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