in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I see more hoeing in ur future
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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