2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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