if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
