I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
