Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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