I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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