Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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