Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
