shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize