you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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