He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize