Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
