Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
