have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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