Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize