it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
