It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
