I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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