i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
