Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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