Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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