You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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