Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
