and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
