By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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