i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
