The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
