Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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