I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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