Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
where does the pee come out of this thing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize