Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
