i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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