Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize