I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
