I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
