Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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