it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
