we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
