The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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