we have officially lost it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
