You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
