if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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