i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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