his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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