from now on my penis is your penis
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
