you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize