How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
