I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
