from now on my penis is your penis
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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