Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
