Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They have beer where we have blood.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
