Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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