this beer tastes like vomit already
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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