spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize