Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
