you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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