if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
