She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
