I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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