Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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