just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
