How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
