We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
