My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
