So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize