i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
