Only a mothe r could love this liver
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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