In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
