I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize