I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
