I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
