I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
