Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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