He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
