also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
