with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
