woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
